....So, you thought you wanted to go back to high school, well...

I'm the teacher

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A high school teacher whose dream was to teach first grade. Landed there, and haven't left. Some call me crazy, I call it good times.

24 February 2009

How cutting my hair is a life-altering experience...

...for my students I mean.
Students:  Miss!!!!   You cut your hair????!!!!????
Me:  Is that a question or a statement? 
 
My Silent Thoughts:  Obviously...it's like 4 inches shorter...

Students: (in unison)  WHY!!!???!!!!

Students: (all at the same time) Oh My God!  But I liked it long! You look ugly now! Why???  I told you to grow it out!  It's short!  Oh No!

My Silent Thoughts:  Did your boyfriend break up with you/ your gramma die/ your foot fall off/ your cell phone break/ your world end due to a 4 inch haircut?  Sorry I had no idea of the impact I have on global warming and natural disasters.....

18 February 2009

Because there is nothing teachers like better than lists.

Things I have learned about myself over February vacation:
1.  My body wakes up naturally at approximately 8:25 each morning.
2.  I love my job. (When it's february, april, christmas or summer vacations.)
3.  I am not smarter than an elementary school student.  (Ask me for my results on the General Curriculum practice test.)
4.  I am not an alcoholic.  I do not in fact NEED a drink at 5 pm on the dot on days that school is not in session.  ::PHEW::
5.  I love learning.  Disclaimer:  When I am not shoving it down the throats of 15 year olds...
6.  I miss my kids. (hahahah, this one is not true- just wanted to see if you were paying attention!!!!)

Self realization is a beautiful thing.

16 February 2009

To commemorate a favorite story

A few days ago we had our Valentine's day dance.  Aside from the dry heaves in reaction to the gross displays of affection among the sweaty high school kids in a darkened, hot, smelly cafeteria, I also experienced a trip down memory lane.  
Last year, at this very dance, right before february vacation, some of my favorite teachers and I experienced a situation that was so ridiculous, it has been the material for many jokes since.
It was nearing the end of the dance, when a mom pulls up in her car outside the cafeteria.  Her son gets out, and some other kids show up, apparently they were going to fight.  News travels fast and suddenly, the kids at the dance flood out the back doors in hopes to catch some of the action.  All hell breaks loose and us teachers rush outside to break up the fight.
Well, mom doesn't like this at all, so she gets out of her car and starts yelling.  When she sees one female teacher trying to pull some kid off another kid, she starts screaming- "WHO THE F*$@ IS THIS B!#*+?"
Apparently, by trying to save the lives of deluded adolescents, we have pissed off the very mature mother.
The mother then gets in her car and accelerates as fast as she can through the throng of fighting kids, nearly running over 3 teachers and a dozen students.  She only nabbed one kid, running over his leg.
This apparently satisfies her urge to kill someone, and she screams at her son to get back in the car.  He does, and they speed off.
Thank God the police force didn't come down and help us out.
All joking aside, this was a horrific experience, but come on!! How funny is it that now we can all yell the phrase "WHO THE F&$# IS THIS B*%$#@" whenever we get mad at someone!?!?!?!?
XOXO to all my teachers who know this story well and lived to tell it.  Till the next time, x to the o-

08 February 2009

"No no honey, leave it on. We do not take our shirts off at school."

This is not a statement I feel ready to say when I am teaching high school. Of course, it is par for the course when you teach kindergarten, but tenth grade?
::disturbed::
But, of course, because it is the exact opposite of what I would expect, I had to ask my student to leave his shirt on on Friday.
I was talking with a teacher in the hallway, and when I re-entered my room, there he was, sans shirt, skinny, ribs and boxers out, jeans low....stretching.
Where was his shirt? On the radiator in the back of the room. He was cold and wanted to warm up. Makes sense right? No. Not Really.
Go figure.

05 February 2009

Under the table and crying.

For those of you who aren't lucky enough to teach with me, here's the latest and greatest.  This week has been AWFUL (as weeks that are not vacations often are).  Yesterday, after an invigorating pep talk from a teacher who believes children are MEANT to fool around, I was feeling a bit guilty about my crankiness towards the babes.  Here's a short version of the pep talk:

Teacher:  In good practice teaching, you always have a starter activity for the kids to do right away.


My inside my head voice:  OMG here she goes...


Teacher:  It keeps the kids from fooling around, and I believe in tough love, these kids need direction- even in high school.


My inside my head voice:  Yah, Yah...


Teacher:  It is not a kids job to come sit down and learn, it is their job to be kids and fool around.  Good practice teachers guide them lovingly to do their work.


My inside my head voice:  Oh My God, I SUCK.  It isn't their faults.  I don't guide lovingly. I scream and plead!!!!  They are angels, I am the devil.


Well needless to say, I had a nightmare that night.  My department head walked into my classroom with a clipboard, ready to evaluate me, and I was under my desk.  Crying.

When I finally pulled myself together enough to get up and teach, I realized the lesson I had prepared was in Math.  I teach Science.  I was salted.

Remember this is only a dream.

Today.  In real life:  My department head walks in with a clipboard.On the bright side, I was not under my desk crying.

03 February 2009

We are nothing like the Freedom Writers

Although I must say, I look as pretty, if not prettier than Hilary Swank when I get all dolled up for my glamourous day at school.
We do however, believe in freedom of speech.  For example:  On a  recent field trip to to our city's highly educational Science Museum, I was graced with an enlightening and witty comment from a fifteen year old boy practicing his right.
While watching a movie that portrayed a real birthing experience, he felt the urge to scream out: "Man she needs a wax".
Am I supposed to comment on this at all?  I am scared. Not only that he felt that this was an appropriate comment, but that he knew enough at fifteen to make the comment.
I must admit I giggled later though.  Man did she need a wax! 

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