"No no honey, leave it on. We do not take our shirts off at school."

This is not a statement I feel ready to say when I am teaching high school. Of course, it is par for the course when you teach kindergarten, but tenth grade?
::disturbed::
But, of course, because it is the exact opposite of what I would expect, I had to ask my student to leave his shirt on on Friday.
I was talking with a teacher in the hallway, and when I re-entered my room, there he was, sans shirt, skinny, ribs and boxers out, jeans low....stretching.
Where was his shirt? On the radiator in the back of the room. He was cold and wanted to warm up. Makes sense right? No. Not Really.
Go figure.

Under the table and crying.

For those of you who aren't lucky enough to teach with me, here's the latest and greatest.  This week has been AWFUL (as weeks that are not vacations often are).  Yesterday, after an invigorating pep talk from a teacher who believes children are MEANT to fool around, I was feeling a bit guilty about my crankiness towards the babes.  Here's a short version of the pep talk:

Teacher:  In good practice teaching, you always have a starter activity for the kids to do right away.

My inside my head voice:  OMG here she goes...

Teacher:  It keeps the kids from fooling around, and I believe in tough love, these kids need direction- even in high school.

My inside my head voice:  Yah, Yah...

Teacher:  It is not a kids job to come sit down and learn, it is their job to be kids and fool around.  Good practice teachers guide them lovingly to do their work.

My inside my head voice:  Oh My God, I SUCK.  It isn't their faults.  I don't guide lovingly. I scream and plead!!!!  They are angels, I am the devil.

Well needless to say, I had a nightmare that night.  My department head walked into my classroom with a clipboard, ready to evaluate me, and I was under my desk.  Crying.

When I finally pulled myself together enough to get up and teach, I realized the lesson I had prepared was in Math.  I teach Science.  I was salted.

Remember this is only a dream.

Today.  In real life:  My department head walks in with a clipboard.On the bright side, I was not under my desk crying.

We are nothing like the Freedom Writers

Although I must say, I look as pretty, if not prettier than Hilary Swank when I get all dolled up for my glamourous day at school.

We do however, believe in freedom of speech.  For example:  On a  recent field trip to to our city's highly educational Science Museum, I was graced with an enlightening and witty comment from a fifteen year old boy practicing his right.

While watching a movie that portrayed a real birthing experience, he felt the urge to scream out: "Man she needs a wax".

Am I supposed to comment on this at all?  I am scared. Not only that he felt that this was an appropriate comment, but that he knew enough at fifteen to make the comment.

I must admit I giggled later though.  Man did she need a wax! 

Talkin' the talk

In order to fully appreciate the young of today, you will need to know what they are saying.  Here begins a list of terms...this will grow as needed.

Salted- Kinda like dissed- for example if you get proven wrong, or someone makes fun of you, you are salted.  You can also be mad salted.  There is also the spanish equivalent, that sounds like salow! but of course I couldn't spell it if my life depended on it.

Sauced- Like salted but not as cool.

No homo- If you tell a friend of the same sex you like his/her outfit, hair, phone, piercing,or  weave- you have to add no homo, man, no homo.

Thirst- You want it really bad.  Teachers are often thirst when they ask students to take off their hats and tuck in their shirts.  You can also be mad thirst.

Forcin' it- This is used to describe situations where people are being ridiculous.  If a teacher asks a student to actually do schoolwork, they are forcin' it.  When someone insists they are right, they are forcin' it.  You can also say "that's a force"  in reference to a situation.

Lean- This term also involves hand motions.  First, you give a friend the "come here" sign with your hand.  When they lean in, you say "lean" in a loudish, quick type voice, and at the same time, hit the side/back of their head.  This is very funny and can be done at any time, especially when someone is being stupid.

Ain't nuthin but a "G" thang...

I am a high school teacher at a lovely place we'll call "City High".

Disclaimers:

1.  For the sake of all involved, if you are a parent of a high school student, or a teacher who has no sense of humor, stop right here.  This blog may offend you.  That being said, for those who chose to read  on, it's not like my fellow teacher sand I don't dearly love our babies, it's just that to deal with them, and the crazy situations we sometimes need to poke some fun, have some drinks, swear that we hate it, and complain too much.

2.  These are true stories.  they happened to me and the people I work with and the students.  Names and details have been changed to protect the innocent, the crazy, the nerds, the thugs, the haters, the teachers and the school.

3.  So please, don't try and figure out who we are, just sit back and enjoy the ride!